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Why is it that women are so good at negotiating in their personal lives—whether it's getting a partner to do something he or she doesn't want to do or convincing the kids to clean their rooms—but, when it comes to work, they're not nearly as comfortable or successful at it as men are?
Recently, I had the opportunity to attend a conference presented by The Negotiation Institute called WIN: Women's Insights on the Art of Negotiation, a two-day forum about how women in the workplace can harness their strengths, elevate their leadership skills and advance their careers through negotiation tactics.
With a lineup including such heavy-hitters as major Hollywood producer Meryl Poster; Lisa Gersh, CEO of Gwyneth Paltrow’s successful website, Goop; Ellen Archer, veteran of Disney, Random House and Simon & Schuster and currently managing director of women-led angel investing organization Golden Seeds; Lisa Linksy, partner in international law firm McDermott, Will & Emery LLC; former U.S. Secret Service agent Evy Poumpouras; social media security expert Cynthia Hetherington; and former
Here are some of the best nuggets of advice I gleaned from the conference on how women can improve their negotiation skills to get what they want and deserve:
“We have to change the conversation and expectations. Know your value and go [into a job or salary negotiation] with what you’ve achieved and why you deserve more.” – Ellen Archer
“I think asking for the extra stuff like a day from home or a car service is not a substitute for money. A man would ask for more money and figure out how to get the perks.” – Meryl Poster
“It comes down to how well you listen. By listening, you can negotiate better because you learn what would benefit the other party. It sets a different tone by creating a conversation and fosters respect, understanding and sharing. The most effective negotiation comes from understanding, not just selling. If you have learned to listen, you’re providing intelligence. If a negotiation is one-sided, then only one person wins.” – Cathie Black
“I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to practice. We’re generally afraid of each other—but it’s just communications between human beings. Authenticity and integrity are essential.” – Lisa Linsky
“I’ve always thought of my negotiations at work like I do with my negotiations at home [with my family]. Those are harder because you really care about the outcome. It’s great practice.” – Lisa Gersh
“It’s about confidence. Once you win [a negotiation], you get more confident.” – Ellen Archer
“I’ve always believed in being really honest in a negotiation. If you’re honest, you can be bold and brash and get away with it. You should know what you know and stick to it.” – Lisa Gersh
“Meet people where they are to take them where you want them to go. Lead with what you can give before you talk about what you want to get.” – Evy Poumpouras
“Be brief, be brilliant, be gone!” – Cynthia Hetherington
So next time you head into a negotiation, read these words of wisdom from women at the top of their game to pump up your confidence and help you walk out a winner. Good luck!
